How do you know what love is if you've never been in it before? What if the feelings you thought was love wasn't love? What if it was just infatuation or obsession? How can you tell the all-important difference between love and its deceiving lookalikes so that you can have the relationship of your dreams and not your nightmares?
It could be said that infatuation is basically an emotional phenomenon--you see somebody and you're hooked; and that obsession is basically a physical psychological phenomenon--where you're addicted to how this person makes you feel and now believe that you need this person to survive; and that love is basically a spiritual phenomenon--that two souls, each independent and complete on their own, come together and create a third entity - the relationship.
What are some other major differences between infatuation, obsession, and love?
Infatuation is...
...that happy feeling of butterflies-in-the-stomach that you get every time that other person is around.
...the flood of relief that comes from finally not feeling lonely anymore.
...a fickle force that's here today and gone tomorrow; a flimsy force without much depth or substance.
...fast--it usually happens in an instant.
...founded on passion and pleasure.
...based in fantasy.
There's nothing really wrong with infatuation, so long as it is recognized as such. Infatuation is only problematic if it's mistaken for real love. Having a crush on someone is not the same as falling in love with them; in most cases its just a heightened sexual attraction and nothing else. In fact, you don't "fall into" love at all, you walk into it, fully aware of what you're doing, with your eyes wide open. You grow love over time, nurture it. You give love. Please note that most cases of "love at first sight" usually amount to nothing but infatuation.
Obsession is...
...feeling like you can't live without the other person.
...not being able to get them off your mind for even a moment.
...a destructive force for both you and the other person.
...interminable-- with no end in sight.
...founded on lust.
...can be considered to be a sickness
Obsession is like an extreme case of infatuation. When someone forms an unhealthy attachment to another, they begin to lose emotional control. With that loss of emotional control comes a loss of self-control which is how obsessive relationships can become dangerous for both the subject and object of the obsession. What starts off with the obsessor becoming anxious about losing the other person, can rapidly descend into violence and abuse.
Love is...
...wanting to care for the other person, take care of them, protect them, and keep them safe.
...putting them first and yourself second.
...wanting to be your best, highest self as a gift of gratitude to them, because they deserve it, and because they've given you so much.
...accepting them as they are, whether they have pimples or not, and knowing that they accept you just the way you are.
...a healing force for both you and the other person.
...slow--taking time to develop.
...founded on respect, trust, and admiration.
...based strongly on reality.
Many people believe that the best relationships are the ones that start out as friends first. While this is not compulsory for every successful relationship, it sometimes helps to make sure that you choose a partner who has the qualities of what you would like to see in a close friend-- which may be trust, integrity, a good personality, a good sense of right and wrong and generosity.
if now you know this and you also know what type of relationships you are involved in, i hope this post has helped in making it better for you.
culled from womansaver
